Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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