i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize