in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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