The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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