I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
