I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
