4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
