You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
