I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
