it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
