Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
