chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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