he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
