He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
