Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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