I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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