Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
