Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
