Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
