I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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