her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Randomize