I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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