You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
