She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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