Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
