dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
