i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
