upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
