You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
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