dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
