after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
