At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I want her autograph on my taint
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
