The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
