How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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