you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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