Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
