I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
