I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I need water and some morals
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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