Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
