you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize