The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Randomize
