Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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