Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
4 words: hood of his car
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
this just has baby written all over it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize