i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
