Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
