The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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