My sheets look like a crime scene.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
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