6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
