hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
