Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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