so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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