ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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