Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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