I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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