im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize