he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
