ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
