you traded sex for a burrito?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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