I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize