Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
