Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
