Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
