I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
