Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Fuck appropriateness.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
