Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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