If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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