So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
