I am in a vortex of obligation.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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