I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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