My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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