Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
