I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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