I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
how does that bad decision feel?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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