Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
