There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
