I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
