a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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