New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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