We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it glows. i had to have it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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