if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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