Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
