my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
