My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
