Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
