32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
