he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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