i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
