It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize