I think my fart just growled at me.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
