I CAN MOONWALK!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
