i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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