After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
