I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
