Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
