My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We had to coat check the pizza.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
