just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
