I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
